Catharsis
by Aviantei
Summary: For Sugiyama Kazue, there were a number of reasons not to join the Literary Club. As it was, her forced membership only made those reasons more apparent, not to mention added even more to the mix. But is this her chance to lose her stagnant place in life? [HiroomixOC]
1. FIRST

**Catharsis**

By: Aviantei

* * *

a

* * *

So what was I supposed to be doing with these feelings? This urge to be inspired and to create something out of it? I knew that it wasn't possible to be inspired by something forever, that there were days whenever it was insanely painful to even attempt to produce something, that you would just stare at the screen, and even attempting to touch the keyboard was a painful prospect. I knew that for a fact. You would have to force yourself to do something, or you wouldn't go anywhere.

But this. This was excruciating. I didn't want to produce something that didn't have any love in it. I wanted to be able to put my all into everything, every day, to never be able to stop, to always, always, _always_ be letting the world see me at my best.

I was terribly optimistic back then.

* * *

b

* * *

I had never been so good at the whole "keep yourself organized" kind of life. Sure, I would be able to manage it if I was dealing with something important like schoolwork, but that was about it. Oh, and I could manage eating food before its expiration date, but that was because I either would buy instant food that could keep for a while or instantly devour anything that was fresh. I had been living in this place for a little over two years since I had moved there for my high school life, and yet there were still partially unpacked boxes sitting around, scattered on every surface.

I doubt my mother would have agreed, but it really wasn't that bad. There was a way you could safely navigate from one room to another, and it was possible to find things when you needed them. If a cluster got bad enough to be a fire hazard, I would clear it out, but that was about it. I hadn't killed myself and my landlord didn't give a damn about what I got into as long as I handed over the money at the end of the month. And, well, to be frank, there had been a reason I had moved away from my mother.

I really didn't have any need to keep up appearances, either. It wasn't like anyone was going to come over and visit me anyway. As long as I could find my clothes in the morning, continue to eat, and still pass school, none of that really seemed like it should matter.

Allow me to say this. I think that self-introductions are a terrible way to begin a story, especially if you're choosing to write in first-person. I've never wanted to be punched in the face with the type of person my narrator is, I want to discover it, to have enough subtle hints build up so in the end, I feel like I've actually gotten to know a person instead of a collection of words and unnecessary descriptors.

Not that I'm trying to pass this thing off as any semblance of a story. I don't even think it needs to be told. Why I'm bothering to talk to an audience that doesn't really exist is beyond me, as I don't intend for anyone to ever see it. I'll probably abandon this endeavor in a week or a month or even a year. I'll probably remove it from existence before I graduate and long before I die, or I'll be too lazy to do either. Even if someone discovers it, that won't matter either.

I could care less about the opinions of others. Maybe that's why I'm only able to make friends when I read or write about them.

When it comes down to it, this is the hopeless prattling of someone who doesn't expect attention or really want it. In that effect, I can say anything I want and it won't matter. Additionally, there's really no point in me saying anything, especially since it won't be read. Although, there's some truth in the fact that writing about things for no one's sake but your own can be a bit therapeutic, so I guess I won't stop so I'll already be in the habit in case something happens that will cause me to need to do that.

I guess you could call that pessimism, but I think practical works better. Both words exist in our language for a reason.

* * *

c

* * *

On this day, I hadn't been planning anything extraordinary. I generally don't. It's too early in the year to be considering applications to universities and entrance exams, although some of my classmates may say otherwise. For me, a lot of what I think makes life important is focusing more on the present than on something as uncertain as the future. It's not to say that I completely disregard the importance of thinking about what's ahead of you, but I still feel like you shouldn't obsess too much over it.

That being said, being in the advanced courses in our school had its advantages and disadvantages. The advantages, of course, were putting put through a curriculum that closely resembled the pressure of university, giving you valuable preparation and credits that would reflect well on your applications. On the downside, it still involved a lot of work, which seemed to eat up most of the free time that I had on hand for the sake of perfecting assignments.

I had never bothered with participating in clubs of any kind either. It hadn't been something that I had ever held an interest in, and once I had expressed as such, recruitment efforts had begun to strategically ignore me. That sort of thing had always been fine with me, which was why I had put the effort out there to avoid it.

Ishikawa-sensei, on the other hand, certainly had a different plan for my high school life than I did, and had let me know that from the start. His insistence for me to join the Literature Club had waned over the years, but had yet to disappear. Even though he hadn't taught any of my classes since first-year Japanese, he insisted on being a constant presence in my academic career.

And it's because of him that I had been given this particular experience today.

* * *

d

* * *

"You're Sugiyama-senpai, right?" the voice of someone I had no memory of asked. Sure enough, when I looked, I was face to face with some underclassmen that I had never encountered in my life. Before I could even tell him that I was, in fact, the person he was asking about, he was grinning at me. "Ah, you have to be. Ishikawa told me that you had upper-frame glasses. I usually prefer square frames myself, but the curve at the bottom of your lens has its charms, too. It matches your face type well…"

There were a number of things that I could have responded to in that statement, but I was a bit stuck. Not only was this underclassman rude, he was also talking about my glasses with what I could only call unhealthy knowledge and obsession. On top of that, he had mentioned Ishikawa-sensei, which could mean that this conversation had originally been intended to be about one thing.

"I'm not joining the Literature Club," I said without even needing to be asked. Immediately, the underclassman switched gears, his once enthusiastic expression verging on near panic.

"No, that's no good, Senpai! That's no good at all!" he protested. I recoiled a bit, knowing for sure we were attracting the attention of some of my classmates. The whole point of everything up until now had been to _avoid_ attention, but the underclassman didn't give me room to interject. "A bespectacled beauty like yourself that enjoys books is wasting her disposition if you don't join the Literature Club! Just having you around, reading books as the sun sets through the window… it's just what we need in our club room!"

That was his logic, I kid you not. Not "you share a common interest, so join our club and give us numbers." Not "you know there's an anthology which could be your start for publication." It was "your presence will make a good visual addition to our club room." It was no wonder that Ishikawa had sent this kid after me instead of the usual attempts. The underclassman was in a league of his own.

"Just hold on, what sort of perverted fantasy life are you trying to drag me into?!" I hadn't even bothered to check the level of my voice, and ended up shouting back in response. I cleared my throat. "Listen, I don't know what sort of bet you lost, but you can tell Ishikawa that my answer is still no. I don't know why he thought a strategy like this would work, but you can go home now." All I wanted was to go home myself. Was that so bad?

I had hoped that would have been enough to send the underclassman packing. Unfortunately, he shook his head. "You have it wrong, Sugiyama-senpai," he said, voice deadly serious. "While it's true I was asked to try and recruit you, this has nothing to do with a bet. This is completely personal."

"Personal?" I couldn't even fathom what sort of motivation this kid had. "Don't tell me you have some sort of crush on me. I'm not interested in guys like you that have no appeal to them." It wasn't to say that he was bad looking for a second-year high school kid, but he just wasn't my type.

Of course, I didn't take the idea seriously. I was just spouting off the first thing that came to my mind, and that just so happened to be it. It wasn't like I hadn't ever received a confession before, but they were few and far between, especially in comparison to my other classmates. I wasn't really so arrogant as to think that could be the only reason for the underclassman's presence would be because he was attracted to me.

"Of course I do!" he retorted. I tried to find any traces of a joke on his face, but none existed. He was serious, or at the very least a good actor. "I have feelings for all girls in glasses! They're just perfect, no matter what! So when it comes down to it, collecting not one, but two bespectacled beauties for our club in the same year would be a grand achievement!"

I wondered if this had been Ishikawa's plan from the start, or if it just happened to be a happy coincidence. Sure, it was an effective one, but I wasn't sure if causing a spectacle was something he would be willing to put on his club's name just to get me in it. So, in other words…

This particular underclassman was a wild card.

I sighed. "Let's be realistic for a minute, shall we?" I proposed. "Even if you claim to want me around for my glasses, there are plenty of other girls with glasses in this school that I don't see you shaking down in the middle of their classrooms with confessions." He didn't even have the decency to look ashamed about it. In fact, he was almost smiling. The jerk. "So let's get to the _real_ reason you want me to join your club and get this over with."

If he said something like _That is the real reason!_ I would have smacked him. It almost looked like he was considering it for a moment, but took a deep breath instead. "We're working on a special project for the fiftieth release of the club anthology this year," he said. "We're trying our best at it, but we're not exactly the best group for something like this. Ishikawa-sensei said you have a good sense of literature and that we should try and ask for your help, Sugiyama-senpai."

His voice was almost sobering. I knew part of me should have been flattered by the compliment, but it just felt like they were really dumping the responsibility on me. Whatever this "special project" was, there was no guarantee that the rest of the club would even do anything once I joined on. I would be at the bottom of the totem pole, so to speak, and if they dumped all the work on me, I wouldn't be able to object.

"Of course, my initial reasoning still stands," the underclassman continued. He put a hand underneath his chin, nodding. "You really are something else, Senpai. All of those expressions of yours really emphasize the way the light reflects off your glasses at times. I bet if you used your glasses in some of your gestures more often, you'd be even more stunning!"

It was at this moment that my mind suddenly decided to become aware of the classmates around me again. Normally, by this time, everyone would have cleared out by now, either on their way home or to their club activities. Instead, I was certain that my entire class was still present, watching our exchange, and some students from other classes were, too. It was almost like the scenario had been pulled out from one of my nightmares.

I turned back to the underclassman. If he was aware of the growing crowd, then he really didn't care. Maybe he liked attention. Maybe he thought that it was worth it if I accepted his offer to join the club. I was at a turning point, and I really didn't think that I could get away with just turning him down and leaving the room with so many people clustering it.

"Fine, fine," I said. "I'll visit the club with you today, but that's _it_. I'm not promising that I'll join, I'll just look over your project and see if it's something that I'm interested in working on." I didn't intend to help, even if it did seem interesting enough. I had too much homework to manage putting together some anthology. "Does that work for you?"

The underclassman beamed and led me out of the room towards the club building. I blocked out the chatter of the students behind me.

* * *

e

* * *

"Alright, first things first, we need introductions," the underclassman said after we entered the room. "I'm Kanbara Akihito, second year member." Finally, I had a name to place with the entity that had been harassing me. Knowing his name didn't exactly improve my opinion of him.

"I'm Kuriyama Mirai, first year member," one of the girls sitting at the table announced. "It's nice to meet you, Senpai." She had a pair of glasses to distinguish her from the other female member, and I assumed that this had been the other 'bespectacled beauty' that Kanbara had been referring to. Aside from his fixation on glasses, it looked like he at least had a pretty solid taste in women, even if the girl did have a little bit of a stutter.

"Nase Mitsuki," the other girl said, and nothing else. She seemed to be completely zoned in on the work in front of her, and I didn't blame her. There had to be more interesting things to read about when you compared it to introductions with a not even probationary member of the club. I was able to steal a glance under the table, the tips of her indoor shoes letting me know that she was also a second year, making me the oldest in the room.

Kanbara was looking at me, obviously expecting an introduction. I sighed. "Sugiyama Kazue, third year student," I said. As expected, Nase said nothing while Kuriyama nodded enthusiastically.

"Oh, so you're Sugiyama-senpai!" the latter exclaimed, like she was surprised to realize it was me. Her cheeks started to glow a light color of pink, and she waved her hands in front of her. I wondered if Kanbara had even bothered to tell his club mates that he was attempting to recruit me today, but Nase didn't seem surprised by my presence. Maybe Kuriyama had been left out because she was the most junior member? "It's an honor to have you around, Senpai! I really hope that you can help us out with our anthology! Welcome to the club!"

Just what sort of things had Ishikawa been telling these kids about me? Judging by their words, they were looking up to me, thinking I was the best person to help out with their project. Even if a little bit of respect was to be given to upperclassmen, this level of response had to go beyond that. I added scolding Ishikawa for giving these kids an idealized impression of me to the list beside _complain about Kanbara causing a scene_.

"Let's make this clear that I'm not joining the club," I said. My voice came out harder than I intended, and Kuriyama's smile dropped. "I'm only here to look around and check out this project of yours. Maybe I'll join after that." It was a very slim _maybe_, but there was no need to bring that up. "Alright, Kanbara, let's get this over with. What's your 'special project'?"

The boy in question didn't say anything about the missing honorific from the end of his name, which I guess was lucky. I wasn't trying to be rude, but I didn't exactly feel like being polite to someone who had caused a scene that would have my name mixed into the rumors that followed. "To make it simple, this year's anthology is going to be a collection of the best works from all previous anthologies," Kanbara said.

Well, that certainly sounded simple enough. That made sense of the stack of paperback books sitting on the table and the note on the whiteboard that said _Meetings for May: Read!_ It was a simple enough plan to have, and while it would be time consuming, it wasn't exactly anything ambitious. Here, I thought they were going to do something impressive, and this is what I got instead.

"So then what do you even need me for?" I said. "It's simple. You split up the reading and pick a set number of pieces each of you can select. Then everybody reads those, and you have discussions about the process of elimination. Sure, it's a lot of work for three people, and I'd probably make it go faster, but I don't think you exactly need me around to do that."

"Sugiyama-senpai's right," Nase added on. She had no reason to, but she had given me a bone to get out on. It was petty, but I decided that the black-haired girl was already my favorite. "If she's not going to care about it, then there's no point in forcing her to do it. As long as we can get that brother of mine to show up to meetings like he's supposed to, we won't need Senpai to waste her time."

It was helpful, but a bit harsh. She was basically saying that I was worthless if I didn't care about the project, which I found to be quite true. People inherently produced worse results when they lacked enthusiasm. It only made sense that Nase wouldn't want someone like me around, even if it would speed up the process.

"Even if that's true, that doesn't change the fact that she's the best person for the job," Kanbara said. He seemed adamant, and I stared him down as he looked at me. "Senpai, Ishikawa-sensei told me that you want to be a writer, right? In order to be good at that, you need to read a lot of other works and think about them critically. You have way more experience in defining good stories than the rest of us. We need you, or else we're just going to end up with a collection of stories we like that may not even be good." He clapped his hands together and lowered his head. "Please join us, Sugiyama-senpai! We need you for your experience and your glasses!"

Suddenly, Kuriyama stood up, her hands hitting against the table with a surprising amount of force for a girl that size. "Senpai's right, Senpai!" she exclaimed. Even though her sentence was really unclear in terms of construction, the girl didn't seem any less convinced of her point. "I mean… Minus the part about the glasses, Senpai's right!"

Sadly enough, that seemed to be all the corrections Kuriyama intended to make. She replicated Kanbara's stance, leaving me with two underclassmen offering their prayers to me. Nase seemed to be the only sane one, flipping a page in her book without a care. She seemed to give off a do-whatever-you-want-so-long-as-it-doesn't-effect-me vibe, and I envied her stoicness.

If only had the ability to keep my cool like that, this whole scenario wouldn't have happened. I couldn't even deny a request, no matter how much I wanted to.

I agreed to help. I didn't agree to join. As long as my name didn't somehow end up on a completed club application form, I wanted to believe that there was no way I would get dragged into this any further than I needed to.

* * *

f

* * *

"Just what sort of logic is this?!" I exclaimed. I was tempted to throw the copy of the anthology across the room, but I had a policy against harming books, even if they terribly deserved it. Besides, it was a club item, and since I wasn't a club member, I didn't have the right to abuse it. "This isn't a plot twist, it's complete dismissal of the rest of your established set up! You can't even manage world integrity, and your club mates let you publish this?!" I dropped the book on the table, letting gravity draw its cover shut. "I can't believe Kuriyama-san thought something like this was good enough…"

I assumed that part of me was supposed to feel bad about ripping on the work of someone who had been a young and stupid writer and probably didn't want their current character judged by their high school writing, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. There were just some things that were sloppy and you shouldn't let past a personal edit. In fact, I was angrier at the writer's club mates for not making him fix the issue in his plot.

It wasn't like I thought my writing was terribly superior, but I at least hoped I was better than this. I had woken up my neighbors once because I had decided to begin editing a piece, and ended up screaming at my computer in the process. Of course, I didn't think my opinion mattered more than my technically "senior" club mates, but there were just certain things I couldn't let slide.

"Ugh, and Kanbara hasn't even been trying, either. All the stories he picked out just happened to have glasses in them. In fact, a few of them actually involve rather negative opinions about glasses… If he's really so obsessed with the things, he never would have suggested these if he had actually read them." I ran a finger down the spines of books in the pile beside me, sighing. "If they weren't going to take it seriously, why did they even bother to attempt a special issue anyway?"

I was seriously beginning to regret my decision send each of them home with a few issues of the anthology each, requesting that they reviewed the works and selected a few pieces. For some reason, the Literary Club had a few copies of each of its anthologies, which was the only reason they had even dared to take them along. Then again, Kuriyama had been insisting on going shopping and Kanbara was talking about a part-time job, so maybe they wouldn't even get the chance to read their volumes before I could talk to them.

The only other person that had remained behind was Nase, and she hadn't said a word to me at all the entire time. She had been focusing on one of the anthologies, taking notes in a small notebook. I was glad that she was at least diligent about the whole thing, but I couldn't help but be a bit concerned about her level of literary prowess.

Except now she was looking straight at me.

"So," Nase said, "what are you going to do?"

Excuse me? The last I had checked, I didn't have an obligation to do anything for these people. I could walk out of the club room and never look back, return back to the life I had before. The only downside to that was that Kanbara might come and cause another scene, but that would be something I would have to live with. Even though her attitude was annoying me, I managed to keep my voice steady and asked, "Do about what?"

"Well, you were just complaining right now." Nase tucked a bookmark into the anthology and closed it. "Even from that short of an exposure, surely you can tell that neither of them has the proper aptitude to be called a 'Literary Club member.' I would like this anthology to come together, but I don't exactly have high hopes for that with their short-comings. You agreed to assist with this project." She tilted her head, looking me straight in the eyes. "So then, Sugiyama-senpai, what are you going to do?"

What was I going to do? I had made a plan off the top of my head when prompted earlier, but that didn't mean I could use it anymore. There was still plenty of time until the deadline, but Kuriyama and Kanbara still had a lot to learn before creating a successful anthology would become an achievable reality.

"I guess they need to be given some pointers on evaluating work," I said. Nase didn't break her gaze away from me. I gave a noncommittal shrug. "I mean, I don't think it would be too hard to set them on the right track if they had a checklist or something. And if they did pick anything atrocious, you would just eliminate it once you got into further discussions about pieces."

"I see." Nase stood up, placing her bag on the table. She loaded her volume of the anthology and her notes inside. "If you really don't want anything to do with this, you really should just leave. I'm sure that they wouldn't be too disappointed in you, Sugiyama-senpai. After all, talent without ambition is worthless."

It seemed that Ishikawa's words hadn't impressed Nase in the slightest. That was just fine by me, too. After being exposed to Kanbara and Kuriyama's admiration, it was nice to see that someone looked at me the right way.

"You're absolutely right," I said. Nase didn't look like she had expected me to agree with her, the girl's eyes widening for just a second before returning to normal. I smiled, just for the hope that it would make her feel uncomfortable. "To be honest, I can't tell you how I feel about this whole thing at all. I don't know if I wanna leave or stay yet, either. So, at least for the next week or so, I'll give it some thought and effort until I make a decision."

That was all I had to say about that. Nase didn't seem to have any objections, either. "Are you going to head home, or do you want to stay a bit longer and lock up when you leave?" she asked.

I stood up myself, stretching out. "Nah, I'll head out." I carelessly picked out a few of the anthologies to take home with me since their contents would need to be reevaluated. I had a light homework load for the evening, so it would give me something to do. Speaking of food, I would need to stop by the store and pick up some ingredients for dinner. "I'm guessing I'll see you tomorrow, Nase-san."

"Wait," Nase said when I turned to leave. I had been told when to come to Literary Club meetings so many times that I was sure I hadn't gotten the fact that there was another one tomorrow wrong. I turned back around, finding Nase holding out a note to me. "If you're going to be helping us, then this is important. Make sure you follow the instructions."

"Will do." I took the note. Not bothering to read it, I shoved it into my skirt's pocket. My stomach was starting to signal that it was hungry, so I decided to get a move on and left Nase to lock up the room on her own.

I was sure she could handle it. This was her club, after all.

* * *

g

* * *

So apparently the Literary Club had agreed at the beginning of the year that, in order to complete their anthology, it would be in their best interest to meet on weekends outside of school. Furthermore, they would be meeting at their homes, exchanging hospitality in the form of lunch. The next meeting was scheduled for this weekend and, according to the note in my hands, it was to be at _my_ place. Even worse, I had already agreed to this arrangement, albeit unknowingly, but Nase didn't seem like the type of person to let me go on cluelessness.

I had been the one that had decided not to read the note, after all. I had no one to blame but myself.

I could have refused. I could have gone to Nase the next day and complained. But I really didn't want to do either of those things. By the time I did, Nase would have already calculated some counter-argument to my protests, or she would just leave it to Kuriyama and Kanbara to guilt-trip me again. Sure, that still didn't mean I couldn't try, but in all reality, it was easier to just clean my house.

I started with my room. I had a variety of books scattered about the floor, including manga, novels, and some of my school reference texts. There were papers everywhere, too, with graded tests and assignments almost creating a layer of life-sized hamster bedding. My clothes found their proper drawers and hangers, and I even bothered to fold up my futon. I found things in boxes that I had completely forgotten I had packed for my move. It was easier than I had thought to pull together, so I set out to make dinner and finish my homework before starting on the full-fledged endeavor.

I didn't get to everything, but I did manage to organize a few rooms and even clear out the hallway. By the end of the night, I was able to walk from the bath to my bedroom without any of the maneuvering I had grown accustomed to over the past few years. It was less of a hassle, that's for sure, but for some reason, it just didn't seem right, like no one could possibly live here if it was this easy to walk from one room to the next.

* * *

**Catharsis**

_FIRST_

_Is it just me, or does this place seem really sterile?_

* * *

(falls over after being sick and sleeping pretty much an entire day) I'm alive, I swear!

But, yeah. The brief explanation is that I had a hard time falling asleep one night and scribbled down a bunch of random nonsense I thought of. Then, I decided it might be nice challenge to make all this nonsense into a story, which you see before you.

I guess you could say this is semi-AU? I'm not quite sure how to describe it.

And this is my fiftieth story on fanfiction, say _whaaaat_?

In any case, I hope this is an enjoyable read.

The next chapter should be posted April 8.

NEXT: _SECOND_

[POST] 121714


	2. SECOND

**Catharsis**

By: Aviantei

* * *

a

* * *

There would be nights whenever I would lie awake, not sure of whether I wanted to go to sleep or get to work. There would be a million thoughts racing through my brain, and just trying to write them down wouldn't be enough. I would try to tell myself that this would be the last time I would turn on the light, the last time that I would ever go through the trouble of trying to write these sorts of things down, that I would fall asleep. It never was.

There would be nights whenever I would give up on sleep, where I would get things moving in my apartment whenever it was one in the morning, getting dressed and sitting down to work. I never ate in those days, though, knowing if I fell asleep that would only mess up my rhythms more than I already had. I would just let whatever words I had been formulating in my head get out, tapping fingers against keyboards and ignoring the time. At some point or another, the urge to sleep would finally come through, and I would sometimes wake up with the imprint of the keyboard on my face and a senseless string of letters added to my document.

I didn't mind those mornings in the slightest.

* * *

b

* * *

I had somehow managed to get my apartment clean in two days, which was good, considering that our meeting was the next afternoon. I started imagining some scenario, where the Literature Club members would be impressed by how neat everything was, how they could see their reflections in the windows. I had even gone through the trouble of organizing the insides of my cabinets, and the refrigerator for good measure. If was going to have to show my entire living space off for others to gawk at, it only made sense to do a thorough job.

Sure, I knew they wouldn't really be _that_ impressed, but it was funny to think about anyway. Besides, it would give off a better impression than the mess that had been there before. I didn't know why I cared what the underclassmen thought of me, but I did. Realistically, leaving the house a mess would have been better, considering they might have changed their minds about me helping them as a result.

Really, my actions had just been counterproductive. Here I was changing my lifestyle in favor of maintaining a positive impression with some kids who mistakenly seemed to idolize me (Nase didn't count, because I doubted my tidiness would even impress her). I didn't even feel comfortable in my own home anymore; it felt like someone else lived here and I had mistakenly grabbed the wrong key one day.

When it came down to it, I felt a little bullied. I knew it wasn't _really_ bullying, and that there were plenty of kids out there who had gone through much worse than what I was experiencing now. Technically, I was just being put under peer pressure by one individual, and failing to resist it. My insistence on being a loner was working against me. I had no one to blame but myself.

Normally, the response in times of crisis like this would be to talk to your friends. As it was, I didn't have any friends (which was, once again, my fault). The closest I had to one was Ishikawa-sensei, and there was no way I could talk to him. He was the reason I was _stuck_ in this situation, so he wouldn't be sympathetic at all. I wouldn't have been surprised if he laughed at me afterwards.

The only one I had to rely on in this moment was myself. I had always thought that that would be enough. Except it wasn't and I was now dealing with the consequences of that. Being a loner meant that you didn't interact with other people, didn't deal with them at all. I had broken that rule and this was the result.

When my doorbell rang that morning, I had no choice but to open it.

* * *

c

* * *

"Thank you for letting us use your place today, Sugiyama-senpai!" Kuriyama's voice was border-lining a shout as she practically shoved a box into my face. I reeled back a bit, adjusting my vision to see that it contained cookies. They looked pretty cheap, and she had forgotten to remove the sale sticker from the box, but I wasn't about to turn down free food. "We brought you a housewarming gift!"

Kanbara laughed, putting a hand on Kuriyama's shoulder. "I think she can see that, Kuriyama-san," he said, causing the girl to jump. Kuriyama lowered her arms and the box, blushing slightly. "Oh, the color of your frames really brings it our when you blush! It's perfect!"

"D-don't be so unpleasant!"

"That being said, we are grateful, Sugiyama-senpai," Nase said, her quiet voice managing to cut through the bickering taking place on my door step. She didn't have any visible signs of smirking, but I still didn't feel like everything had been done as an act of my own volition. "We don't want to intrude any longer than possible, so shall we get started?"

"Yeah, come on in," I said, stepping out of the doorway. Nase was first in, Kanbara and Kuriyama stopping their minor argument to step inside and take off their shoes. When that was done, I led them to where I had set up the table. "Make yourselves comfortable. I'll get us something to drink to go with those cookies."

I was basically quoting every scene like this I had ever read about in a novel, ever. I wondered if my voice sounded as stiff as I felt. I absconded to the kitchen, pulling together the necessary supplies for making tea. Even if I had organized everything myself, I felt like I was in foreign territory again. It just seemed too clean for it to be conceivable for someone to live there.

Especially not me.

It didn't take too long for the water to boil, and I let the tea seep for a little bit. I had only really ever made tea for myself, so the Literature Club would just have to deal with my personal preference. Just to be safe I grabbed the sugar bowl and placed it on the tray with the cups and the tea pot. I was frankly surprised that I had the supplies to even serve guests in my home.

Goes to show how much attention I had paid to what my parents had packed for me. I'd bet anything that this had been my father's idea. My mother knew better.

Even so, I was glad that I did have the tea set. It would have been embarrassing to offer to get drinks and not have any. I shook the thought off. The club members at the table hadn't stopped chattering since I had left, although I had tuned them out as background noise. Coming back towards them, it seemed as if Kanbara and Kuriyama's argument had subsided.

"…but you're right, it really is a nice place for someone that lives by themselves," Kanbara was saying. I tried not to think too hard about his words before putting the tray down. "Thanks for the drinks, Sugiyama-senpai! By the way, the image of a housewife with glasses looks really visually appealing for you. Although I don't know how well it would match up with your personality…"

It really bothered me how he could just say such things as if they were part of normal, everyday conversation. I felt bad, considering Kuriyama and Nase had to put up with this in a regular basis. Kuriyama looked ready to unleash another "How unpleasant!" in her senpai's direction. Nase was already mixing sugar into her tea, but her eyebrows were scrunched together a little but more than usual.

"Putting that train of thought aside, let's focus on the matter at hand," she said. I took the only remaining seat, between the brunette and Kanbara. I realized that the boy had set up the table arrangement so that he would be between both of his 'bespectacled beauties.' He was cleverer than I had initially thought. "Sugiyama-senpai, I do believe you had something to say about our efforts so far."

Instantly, all eyes turned on me. I had known that I would be consulted about this sooner or later, but I hadn't expected it to be right off the bat. I had hoped that we would talk for a while, pass around some ideas, and I would be able to casually slip into the conversation that Kanbara and Kuriyama's ideas of suitable literature for the anthology just weren't up to snuff and we would have to work from there, based on my guidelines. Instead, Nase expected me to be blunt and up front, with nothing to serve as a cushion to ease into the conversation.

Fine then.

"Kanbara, Kuriyama-san, what were your reasons for joining the Literature Club?" I asked. It was as good of a way to breach the topic as any, and at least it would give me _some_ sort of buffer to ease into it. On a whim, I pointed to the singular male in the room. "Kanbara, you go first."

The blonde underclassman blinked, going cross-eyed for a moment as he focused on my finger in his face. I hadn't meant to catch him off guard, but guessed it didn't matter if I had. "Well…" he started, still trying to make up an answer out of his words. "I like reading as a hobby, and I wasn't really interested in any other clubs. Plus, Mitsuki was joining, so I figured we'd join together." I didn't feel like prying any more on that statement, so I let it go. All in all, it was a pretty normal answer.

"And of course, reading is a common past time of girls with glasses, is it not? So naturally I would join any club that would increase my chances of encountering them! Man, that Takahashi-senpai was a real beauty, it should be a crime to look that good, except then she'd be locked up and I'd never be able to see her…"

"Only a pervert would remember the name of someone who graduated recently for a reason as that," Nase said. I turned my head to her, but the brunette didn't elaborate in the slightest. The insult had flown so smoothly, I almost wondered if anyone had actually said anything at all.

There was the part of me that wanted to laugh at how quickly Nase's insult had made Kanbara shut up. There was also the part of me that wanted to let out a heavy sigh in response to the comment that had warranted an insult in the first place. In the end, I did neither, instead directing my finger towards the girl sitting across from me. "And you, Kuriyama-san?"

"If we're being honest, I didn't really want to join the club at all," Kuriyama answered. She was fidgeting, avoiding meeting eyes with her fellow club members. "Senpai—that is, not you, Sugiyama-senpai—kept bothering me about it. It was really unpleasant…" Kanbara didn't even have the decency to look guilty; he just grinned. "I ended up joining because there was a book about gardening that only club members had access to…"

I wouldn't have considered the first-year to be into something like gardening, but the more I thought about it, the more I could see it. Kuriyama-san had just the right looks that wouldn't look out of place in the middle of flowers, and the quiet disposition to boot. Although those qualifications could also be fit into sitting around in a library, which I was sure had been Kanbara's own thinking.

"Well, that makes sense, I guess," I said. All eyes were back on me, and I guess that my diversion had gone on long enough. _Nase's assessment was right then._ "Please don't take this the wrong way, but your selections for the anthology just won't cut it. Kuriyama-san, while you have a good eye for eliminating pieces where the words are poorly constructed, you let good language distract you from bad storytelling. Kanbara, you just can't assume a story is good just because the word 'glasses' shows up. In short, you two just don't have the thinking to properly put this anthology together."

Kanbara nodded his head in a way that seemed like he was agreeing with me. Kuriyama looked almost defeated, lowering her head to the table, just barely avoiding a collision with her tea cup. I would have been too concerned about if it had broken, but I certainly didn't need tea in my underclassman's hair. "So does that mean all that work we've done has been for nothing…?" she asked, eyes peeking over the rims of her glasses. I was sure Kanbara was having a heart attack or something. I blocked him out and nodded. "Ah, this is really unpleasant…"

Kanbara nodded his agreement, staring into his tea cup almost ruefully. Nase was the only one unaffected, and that was because she knew this was coming. I guess I felt a little bit bad, but if they wanted my help, they were going to have to deal with me being honest. Or if they didn't want me to be honest, this whole thing could be over with. I opened my mouth to elaborate—

—only to have Kuriyama's head pop up from the table's surface as she asked, "What about Mitsuki-senpai?"

Nase's club mates turned to her, searching for an answer. Instead of providing words, she took a long drink of her tea, letting out a happy sigh whenever she was done. "I am the president after all," she answered. "Senpai, explain the rest."

_Son of a—! _It wasn't even a request. It was an order! I clenched my teeth, forcing the words to be metered when I spoke. "From what I can see, Nase has a much better handle on judging works of literature," I said, leaving the honorific out on purpose. Nase made no comment, but I doubted it slipped past her, probably because it was mixed in with a compliment. "There's no need for her to adjust her approach when you two are such problem cases."

Kanbara and Kuriyama flinched in sync at the words, albeit to varying degrees. Kuriyama adjusted her glasses afterwards, bringing a smile to Kanbara's face in the process. "So what can we do to fix it?" he asked. Kuriyama nodded her support, and Nase seemed interested for a moment.

"Well, I was working on some tips to help you all out earlier, so I can just get…" I stopped. The tips, like everything else I wrote, were stored on my computer. There was no way I was letting this band of misfits anywhere near my computer, let alone in my room! "Um, I meant to print out copies for everyone, but it must have slipped my mind… If you'll excuse me for a minute, I can take care of it, that way you guys can have a copy to take home with you!" I managed to stand up without seeming to panicked, and retreated to the hallway before any of the Literary Club members could protest.

"Ah, it looks like we're out of tea! I'll go make some more!"

"K-Kuriyama-san, let me take care of that!"

Besides, they shifted back into their routine without me well enough.

* * *

d

* * *

"'First,'" Kuriyama-san read off, "'pay attention to the writing style. Just because it's simplistic doesn't make it bad. Just because it's elaborate doesn't make it good. Keep an eye out for clichés and whether or not the author has a clear voice that you can hear coming off the page.'"

"'Second,'" Kanbara continued, "'try and find the motivation behind what's going on. Characters' actions shouldn't seem forced. Things can be done for the sake of the plot, but only poorly written ones stick out. Unless you think it's done intentionally, scrap any pieces that seem to have to force the story to move along…' Hey, I do this all the time, why are you making it seem like it's a weakness—ah! For such a beautiful girl in glasses, you sure have a real bad temp—ow! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"'Third,'" Nase said, completely ignoring the fact that I had just twice kicked her friend under the table, "'eliminate any outside distractions when you read. This way, you can completely focus on the work in front of you. A good story is one that will hold your interest even when there are a million other things going on. A bad story is one that can't even maintain your interest whenever there's nothing else to do.'" Nase placed her copy of the list down on the table. "These seem like simplistic enough guidelines and there aren't too many of them either. You both should be able to follow them easily."

I nodded. "It's true that there are a number of things that could be considered to make literature good," I said. It seemed even my physical violence couldn't get the duo to stop hanging on my every word. "I just kind of wrote down everything I like when I read, then I took out all the subjective stuff. I'd like to think that these are loose enough that you'll all be able to form your own opinions without feeling like you're checking something off of a list. In the end, maybe we can pull together a collection that we can all agree on, and our different opinions will balance it out."

Kuriyama nodded, having to push up her glasses afterwards. "I think I can manage this… Although I'm sorry that my reading was so unpleasant that you need to go through this trouble." She looked back to the list clutched between her hands, reading over the rest of the points.

"I still don't think my choices were that bad," Kanbara said. He tapped his list with a finger. "I happen to think about these sorts of things on a regular basis, you know! I don't just blindly accept whatever happens to be ink on a page in front of me."

"Well I sure didn't see that when I was reading over your selections," I retorted.

"Then you just got a batch from one of my off days!"

"By 'off days' you mean 'all days,' right, Akihito?" Nase added.

Even Kuriyama nodded in agreement. "Senpai really can be lazy. It's really unpleasant…"

Kanbara held his hands up in a form of surrender. "Enough, enough!" he said. "Yeah, fine, I may have half-assed it a bit, but there's just so much work we have to do when half of our club membership is constantly missing. Hell, the work load would be at least _manageable_ if that brother of yours showed up more often, Mitsuki."

"Brother?" I asked before I could think about the word coming out of my mouth. I guessed that it was my turn to look to someone else for answers. "You have a brother, Nase? No offense, but shouldn't you be able to convince your own brother to show up to club meetings on a regular basis?"

Nase sighed, pouring herself some more tea. I hadn't been paying exclusive attention, but I felt like she was the one doing most of the drinking here. "I suppose I could convince him easily if I needed to," she said. "I just don't know if he would be any more productive than these two."

"You make it sound like you don't like your brother much." I really had no business in saying something like that, but if there was the chance of getting some extra help on this ridiculous project of ours, I would take it. Besides, Nase had imposed on my home life enough just to get this meeting together. I saw no reason that I couldn't impose on hers for a similar purpose.

Kanbara snickered. Kuriyama looked down at her lap and blushed.

"Putting that matter aside," Nase said, "I do believe we hoped to improve the quality of our selections." I had to hand it to her; she sure had made that transition sound natural. Since she was the president of this little shindig, no one questioned her motion, either. I guessed I would have to let her get away with it, too. "Is this handout the only thing that you wished to show us, Sugiyama-senpai?"

I shook my head, clicking my tongue for extra effect. I picked up the stack of anthologies I had brought back with me along with the tips lists and placed them on the table, creating ripples in our tea cups in the process. "I've already gone through these issues and made some preliminary selections. I figured that you could each pick an issue and see which pieces are good for consideration. We could talk about our reasoning, too. I'll accept any argument so long as it's well thought out."

Nase seemed bored as always, not even batting an eye. Kanbara had put a hand on his chin, hopefully in thought. Kuriyama looked back up, her eyes widening slightly when she noticed the stack of anthologies I was referring to.

"Sugiyama-senpai, you really read through all of those already?" she asked. I nodded, not finding a need to waste words. "Wow, you must read fast. I couldn't have gotten through that much material, even if I didn't have work to do…"

To be honest, the stack I had brought out was only a fraction of the anthologies I had read already. It had just been too much of a bother to bring them all out, plus it wasn't necessary in the first place. I would just keep that piece of information to myself, considering I still couldn't take that admiring look she was giving me. Besides, the truth of the matter wasn't really that pretty anyway.

"Alright, let's just get started," I said. My transition wasn't as smooth as Nase's, but they let it through anyway. "Pick a volume and get to reading."

* * *

e

* * *

All in all, the meeting ran a lot smoother than I had thought it would. We easily decimated the cookies that the Literary Club had brought with them, and my teapot was refilled more than once. When he was put to the test Kanbara seemed to actually be able to perform up to my standards, no glasses preference shown whatsoever. Nase had slightly different standards than I did, but she argued her cases well enough that I was willing to except them. Kuriyama was still in need of some work, but she was improving, so I had decided that this was enough and called it a day.

I tried not to make it sound like I just wanted them out of my house, but that was a large motivator as well. It was starting to get late, anyway. What if they had expected me to make them dinner or something? I didn't have the amount of material laying around for that.

I had a number of things left to take care of anyway. In all the commotion to set things up, I hadn't gotten my own personal writing done for the day, and I had been slacking as it was anyway, wading through the Literary Club's collection of anthologies. Not to mention there was still the stack of my homework waiting, and I had yet to keep up with my blog…

It wasn't the first night that I gave up halfway through all of that and just decided to fall asleep instead. There would be plenty of time when I woke up in the morning, and there was no point in racking my brain when all it really wanted was sleep.

I wasn't a fan of waking up in the morning with the imprint of my homework on my face, anyway.

* * *

f

* * *

"So it sounds like you finally joined the Literary Club," Ishikawa-sensei commented, a grin on his face. It wasn't customary for teachers to pester students while they were staying after school to finish their homework, but Ishikawa had never been conventional. We were just lucky that no one else had forgotten their assignments over the weekend, because then there would be all the more reason to drag attention onto me.

As if the incident with Kanbara hadn't been bad enough.

I made a pointed effort of finishing the particular math problem I had been working on before even rewarding him with a response. Besides, I didn't want to fall into the trick of ending up writing down what we were talking about. Having to do my homework after school because I had slept in was embarrassing enough.

"You should know that I don't count as a member unless I turn in a club application form, Sensei," I retorted. Math was so simple once you figured out the patterns. Had I really not been comprehensive enough to finish this last night? What had I been thinking? "For the record, I have no memory of doing so, so any one that you may have received is clearly a fraud."

"Well your underclassmen all seem to be under a different impression." I scowled a little, not in the mood to think about just how delusional two out of the three Literary Club members were. "If you don't have the intentions to join them, you should set them straight, Sugiyama-san. Otherwise who knows what else you'll get dragged into."

I spent nearly an entire minute pressing the lead of my pencil way too hard against the paper, making indents of the math problem on the next page of my notebook. I already _knew_ that I lacked the social interaction skills to avoid caving into peer pressure. Sure Ishikawa probably wasn't _trying_ to push that onto me, but it sure as hell felt like it.

"I already made it clear that I'm only doing a trial run to help them with their silly anthology project. And even then, they know there's no guarantee that I'll stick around the whole time." At least I hoped that I had made that clear enough. Their anthology came out more than once a year, right? I didn't want to be involved in this sort of mess again, especially since they would be looking for submissions the next time around.

Ishikawa sat down backwards in the seat of the desk in front of me. "Fine, fine, you've made your position on Literary Club membership clear," he allowed. As if I hadn't made it clear enough the last two years. If it was clear, why didn't he just leave me alone? "Let's talk about something else, then, Sugiyama-san."

"Let's not."

"So have you written anything good lately?"

Without even meaning to, I froze at the question. I tried to recover by returning to my homework, but where I was in the problem completely escaped my mind. I refocused, starting back up on the problem again, but his question was still in the back of my mind. Ishikawa didn't say anything else, just watched as I completed yesterday's homework.

I packed my bag and stood up, holding my stack of assignments out to Ishikawa. "I need to go to the club room and apologize to everyone for being late," I said. I managed to keep my voice detached. Good. I wasn't completely gone yet. "Would you be so kind as to drop these off to the faculty office for me? If it's not too much trouble, Sensei."

For the first time in my life, I wanted to know what someone else was thinking when they looked at me. I could navigate Ishikawa's moods well enough when he was joking with me, but every now and then I couldn't read his face worth shit. Even when he went to smile, I couldn't tell what was going on in that head of his. "Sure thing, Sugiyama-san, just be sure to tell the Literary Club I said 'hi,'" he said.

We both left the door at the same time, then we headed in different directions. If I was going to deal with this sort of thing every week, dealing with the Literary Club was going to be too much of a hassle. I could finish my trial run and see if things calmed down any, and if they didn't, I was out of there.

I almost walked away the instant I opened the clubroom's door. Each of the members had adorned a party hat, and streamers and balloons had been attached to the ceiling. There was even a cake in the middle of the table, untouched, but there nonetheless. The whole thing seemed to have been thrown together last minute, but it was still probably meant to be a party.

"Ah, she's here!" Kuriyama called out, blowing what little cover I had. The first year fidgeted, looking around for something, eventually picking up a noise maker off the table. Kanbara stood up as well, and even Nase had bothered to at least pick up one of the party favors off the table, sticking it in her mouth.

Kanbara and Kuriyama took a deep breath that was surprisingly in sync. "_Welcome to the Literary Club, Sugiyama-senpai!_" they shouted in unison, followed by the entire Literary Club blowing noise makers in my direction. I would have suspected that Nase wasn't a part of it if the paper end hadn't unfurled, a sure signal that she had least exerted some effort.

I was about to ask what they were even talking about until I noticed it. I had only been joking with Ishikawa-sensei earlier, but sure enough, there was a completed club application form sitting on the table, and my name was at the top. It wasn't my handwriting either, and I had no memory of filling out such a thing, so it was, indeed, a forgery.

Furthermore, after reading Nase's notes about the anthology over the past week, I could recognize her handwriting easily. I wanted to yell at her since I had obviously never asked for such a thing, and I had every right to tell the other club members that. Kanbara was apparently her childhood friend or something. Shouldn't he be able to recognize it without me spelling it out for him?!

It was stupid, but the looks they were giving me were what made me stop. Both Kanbara and Kuriyama seemed completely overjoyed by the prospect of my membership, and the shoddy icing work on the cake suggested that it was homemade. Looking at the club calendar on the wall, they had even replaced the normal agenda with _Celebrate Kuriyama-senpai's membership!_

I normally would have found the excess of exclamation marks annoying, but in this instance, they got to me.

So I sat down, ignoring the over-the-top cheers as I cut into the cake. I also ignored Nase, who appeared to be smirking, ever so slightly. I would let it go for now. It wasn't like I couldn't leave the club whenever I felt like it. They seemed to have a club-skipping epidemic going around anyway.

I let them have their little celebration, even if it really didn't seem like a real party anyway. They were celebrating something that didn't exist, a forged membership. The only person who had the right to feel accomplished was Nase for getting me stuck in this situation.

* * *

**Catharsis**

_SECOND_

_Even the balloons couldn't change that._

* * *

[Mass Post 4]

Thanks to owlloveyou, Arthurmiel, Crazyt0p, Nadeshiko Aoki, Seijuro-kun, Shannyrox101, Noone 190, miaandB, anon (Guest), Shiroikarasu55, Ranguren, Harukawa Ayame, . , Chiina, Nightly Rowen Tree, shirokitty, and Sylanc for your favorites, follows, and reviews! This actually got a lot more attention than I thought... I'm really honored!

The next chapter will actually be posted later this week. Please look forward to it!

Next: THIRD

[POST 042515]


	3. THIRD

**Catharsis**

By: Aviantei

* * *

a

* * *

I don't know if I could say anything about it that would do it justice. They weren't often, but there were times when I couldn't do anything but think about writing. I would sit around, lock myself up, forget to eat, forget to sleep, forget to do anything that didn't have to do with putting words on a page or think about what sort of words I would put on a page once I was satisfied.

Mostly, these times were vacations. I had no other obligations towards anything in the world, aside for some homework that I would steadfastly ignore until the last second, so it only made sense. Dad would always check in to make sure I was okay, although I kind of suspect it was because my mother was sick and tired of having to make sure her almost full-grown daughter wasn't killing herself from neglect of personal care.

But that was fine. I didn't want to talk to anyone besides the characters in my head anyway.

And maybe that was why I did it. I didn't care about anyone else. I didn't want to admit there was an outside world, a world where my parents existed, where my classmates were. I could hardly even consider them that way. I almost considered them the fiction, and what I was writing about was reality.

None of it was very good. I was a terrible amateur back then. Still am. You only consider yourself a writer with no need for practice if you are not even a writer at all, or something like that. I needed to want to be better. I needed to think that I could.

I wonder how I see it now. I honestly wouldn't know if I tried.

* * *

b

* * *

So, as far as I could tell, being a member of the Literary Club was no different from working with the Literary Club and not being a member. When it came down to it, I was stupid for saying that I didn't want to do it. Aside from having to tread through some poorly written pieces by high school kids, it was a bit relaxing. Active club memberships looked good when you were trying to get into schools, even if entrance exams were ultimately the deciding factor.

Although, I wasn't sure what school would end up taking me. I wasn't even convinced that I should go to school. It would be a waste, considering I had made it into the advanced classes, but I was wasting the opportunities I was already being handed there. In the end, I still hadn't managed to completely catch up with my homework over the week, and I had been stuck in the classroom after school more than once.

At least Ishikawa didn't bother me, though I had the feeling I'd be speaking with some teacher sooner or later at this rate.

Surprisingly enough, none of my club mates complained about my tardiness. I didn't even have to explain myself to Nase, and she had been the one I had worried about the most, considering she was the club president. I wasn't sure if she was less concerned since I was essentially the extra help, or maybe her lack of action had to do with the fact that I showed up unlike her truant brother and the other rumored members of Literary Club.

The work on the anthology was actually going smoothly, too, which impressed me even more. Kuriyama and Kanbara seemed to take the assignments I gave them seriously enough. I had checked their work, and while their choices weren't exactly the same as I would have done, there was more than one reason this wasn't a one-person job.

They had followed the principles I had given them well enough. Even if I was now a member of the Literary Club, it was more of their anthology than mine, though. Their decisions were the ones that really mattered. I was just an advisor.

* * *

c

* * *

As the weekend drew closer, I became increasingly paranoid about the get-together we would be having. I may have cleared up my tardy homework situation by Friday, but come Saturday's classes, I was sure I'd have another pile of assignments on my hands. Even so, that was farther back on my list of priorities than my real concern.

To be blunt, I wasn't looking forward to having my house invaded by the Literary Club again.

I almost thought about skipping Friday's meeting, but I decided against it. If I didn't go, there was a large chance that they would make a decision without me, and I'd end up with the trio on my doorstep again. And while I had managed to keep things clean over the past week, that didn't mean I was prepared for anything of the sort.

So, not being late for the first time ever, I slid open the Literary Club room's door to an almost empty room were it not for Nase. The brunette girl looked up to me as I entered, then stopped sparing me a glance in favor of her anthology work. Kanbara and Kuriyama weren't present yet, so I closed the door behind me and settled into the chair that was slowly becoming mine.

The room was quiet without the other two members, and actually kind of peaceful. They could get to work when forced to, but Kuriyama and Kanbara were prone to small talk, mostly consisting of "glasses" and "How unpleasant!"s. Nase only made the occasional noise while eating her sucker, and those were easy enough to block out while reading. I made some good headway into my current anthology expedition before the door opened, making way for my already noisy underclassmen.

"Sorry I'm late!" Kanbara called out, and Kuriyama murmured the same thing. The male headed to his seat and almost fell into it, while Kuriyama shuffled to the shelf next to the window. For the first time I noticed the bonsai tree. I didn't know if it got there when I wasn't paying attention or if it'd always been there, but I guessed it was Kuriyama's. She did say she liked gardening after all.

That didn't really matter though, because Nase cleared her throat. Kuriyama jumped a little, but managed not to knock her precious plant over. I felt a bit glad for her—I remembered reading just how delicate you have to be with those things and I didn't want to imagine the fit the first year might throw if it got hurt.

"About this weekend's meeting," Nase started and I got a knot surge up in my stomach. There it was and I still wasn't ready for it. I thought about requesting that it wasn't not at my apartment before I remembered that sort of thing was useless. It was better just to stay quiet. Already, I'd become accustomed to being pushed around.

How pathetic.

"Oh, are we still meeting at your place, Mitsuki?" Kanbara asked. I almost praised the gods, the sheer selfishness of the action stopping me. The last time I had gone to a shrine was for New Years, and that was more out of habit than anything.

"We are," Nase confirmed. I shook my leg to disperse my excitement without cheering. My school shoe tapped against the floor but I didn't care. "However, I have a proposal." My mind automatically changed _proposal_ to _order_. They were practically the same thing when Nase used them. "As we discussed, meeting at my house is the easiest way to get my idiotic brother to pull some weight. If anything, to make the most of his utility, we should spend the weekend in one place."

Any relief I had been feeling dispersed on the spot. A sleepover. She was proposing a Literary Club camp-out in her living room or something, and Nase still maintained her cool like it was nothing. Once again, I was jealous, but that wasn't as prominent. As long as it had been since I had invited people (or in this case, been forced to have people over) to my house, it had been even longer since someone invited me over to theirs.

I wanted to quit the Literary Club right there, but the blinding smile on Kuriyama's face stopped me.

"Really, a sleepover?" she asked, eyes shining. Nase nodded again. "I haven't been to a sleepover before! This will be really exciting, don't you think, Senpai?"

I tried to pretend she was talking to Nase, but Kuriyama's gaze undeniably directed at me. I couldn't tell her my thoughts were the exact opposite of hers, but I couldn't bring myself to agree either. Fiction and lies may be the same thing, but I wasn't any good at spinning falsehoods off the page.

Kanbara grinned, sparing me from answering. It was almost worth listening to the words out of his mouth. "Wow, this'll be perfect," he said, that tone in his voice that was always present around his weird fetishes. "Two girls in glasses in one place together for a sleepover. And I'll be there, too. It's almost too much to handle."

"Don't worry, the rooms will be separated," Nase directed her words more to Kuriyama than to me. I hadn't been all that worried beforehand, but now I was. Even rarer than me being in any kind of somewhat intimate social situation was being in something close to that with a male. "Girls in one, perverts in the other."

Um, was she including her own brother in that just now? My theory about their relationship only gained more evidence, though I really should have asked for all the guesswork I was doing. That moment wasn't really the time, though, so I let it go.

Kuriyama nodded her approval, and Kanbara slumped down onto the table. It seemed that was enough to comfort any worries the first year had, so I should have been calm as well. However, I couldn't quite manage it. Guys and girls having a sleepover in the same house, all around the same age? That was just waiting for a romantic comedy disaster.

"So, no objections then?" Nase proposed her rhetorical question. Kuriyama shook her head, and Kanbara was too busy sulking to participate. That would have been my chance. I could have made up any excuse on the planet—hell, I could have said that I needed to visit my parents, and they wouldn't have been any the wiser! The main problem with that was Nase was anal enough to make me provide proof, and that wasn't worth it.

Regretting every second, I said, "No."

Nase nodded, pulling her half eaten sucker out of her mouth. "Then it's settled. Everyone is expected to be at my place by two tomorrow afternoon, no excuses. Don't show up on time, and we will come and find you." I had the distinct feeling that last statement had been meant for me.

I spent the rest of the meeting packing up club supplies for our weekend trip and wondered if Dad would be willing to pay the hospital bill if I just so happened to trip down the stairs and break something on the way home.

* * *

d

* * *

When I had gathered up my things and followed the handwritten instructions of Nase (I was impressed she had bothered to exert the effort at all), my first thought was, _Oh, _that_ Nase._

I hadn't even thought about it at all, and now I felt incredibly _stupid_. I was in the advanced courses, and even if I was slacking, I _still_ should have been able to figure out that _Nase Mitsuki_ was clearly the daughter of the _richest family in town._

I'll admit that I didn't know the history of the Nase family well since I had only moved here for the sake of a high school education. However, I had heard enough from around town and a few not-so in depth questions. From what I had gathered, the Nase family was an older family, prestigious all the way, and had earned their fortune from divination or some bullshit thing or another.

I mean, I had an active enough imagination. I had read enough books and stories to entertain thoughts of the supernatural—it would have been amazingly cool if worlds like _Bakemonogatari_ could actually exist, right underneath our noses! However, I had little tolerance in believing that fantasy could be hidden from mankind so well for so long, or that fantasy things would even _want_ to be hidden in the first place.

I had decided all of this in middle school, and stuck with it ever since. I had been told that I let my childhood die at that moment, but that had been fine with me. There was limited time in this world, and spouting fantasy on the page was at least slightly more productive than trying to pursue things off of it.

Putting that aside, though, I really didn't care _how_ the Nases made their living. Good for them for having a steady and disposable income, but that was about it. At least it made sense why the daughter was such a brat at times. She had probably been pampered her whole life, so that sort of activity was natural to her. In some ways, it really wasn't Nase's fault.

I had still mouthed off to her, though. That probably hadn't been the best idea. Whatever. I didn't intend to stay here longer than I had to. Surely I could make it through less than a year without a major incident and move on with my life.

Maybe.

I finally steeled myself and rang the doorbell to the manor's gate. There was no point in loitering outside. At least I didn't have to worry about being late since I had left as soon as I could. In fact, I was quite early. I had even packed the previous night so I would have enough time to get there!

Man, I was so whipped.

Finally, the intercom crackled to life. "_Hello, how may I help you?_" a female voice that was _not_ Nase asked.

"U-um, hi," I responded. I had stuttered, too. _Damn it._ "My name's Sugiyama Kazue. I'm with the Literary Club." Ugh, just saying the words felt like a loss in their own way. I would have to try and regain at least _some_ of my pride during this meeting.

"_Yes, Mitsuki-sama's been expecting you._" _Sama._ They fucking called her -_sama_. No, more accurately, _Nase_ had _servants_, the stupid little rich girl. "_Please come in!_"

With that invitation, the gate opened. I walked inside and up to the front door, where the voice on the intercom greeted me in person. There was actually a human body attached to that voice, and sure enough, it was a maid. With a "This way, please," the woman lead me down a few halls into a rather expansive living room area.

Really, I had underestimated the Nase family's richness, maybe because this was more of a rural-ish town than the city I had lived in before, but that was a mistake. Seriously, Nase's living area was at least half the size of my apartment, if not more, and I had a larger than average apartment. There was just so much empty space that I wasn't sure what to do.

How were you supposed to handle yourself with so much air and no outside?

As per usual, there was a table set up in the middle of the room, though that was a bit bigger than the average as well. Nase was already there, and Kuriyama was sitting at one side, Kanbara flanking the first year's left. Really, they had come even earlier than I had? Was this some practical joke or something? I shook the thought off. Sure enough, the last empty cushion was beside Kanbara just for me, leaving him to his glasses paradise while copies of the anthology were scattered across the table.

So, that just left the person sitting at Nase's right, which left me thinking, once again, _Oh, _that _Nase._

Now, I just felt even more stupid than before. It was one thing being oblivious about the world around me, since I really didn't care, but I had to have been introduced to my own damn classmates before, and at least three times at that if you counted each school year's class introduction. And while I didn't think I had been in the same class as Nase Hiroomi during my entire high school career, it _did_ hold true for my third year.

Which was, to say, now.

Man, he and Nase even _looked_ like siblings. Their faces shared some structure, their hair the same black color, and they even had similar haircuts divvied up in accordance to their genders. Their eyes shared a shape, too, way smaller than Kuriyama's. Maybe it was the fact that they were different colors that had prevented me from making the connection, even if that was a lame excuse.

But, really, Nase—no, Hiroomi, I guess—was a bit of a weirdo, from what little experiences of him I had registered. My memory of my classmates was less than optimal, but I definitely remembered that he always wore some scarf or another to school, even in the middle of summer, and apparently that habit didn't change when he was at home.

"Oh, there you are, Sugiyama-senpai!" Kuriyama said, smiling with a teacup in her hands. "We were just telling Hiroomi-senpai about you." I felt a pang of pity for her formality—being the youngest, _everyone_ was _Senpai_. "You didn't tell us that you were in the same class."

What was I supposed to say? _Oh, sorry, you see, I totally forgot!_ Yeah, no way that would go over well. I was having a hard enough time maintaining my credibility as the reliable upperclassman with Nase pushing me around. "Well, you see…" I started, hoping that my subconscious would supply a proper end to that sentence.

"I'm not surprised, though," Hiroomi commented, his smile not faltering. "Sugiyama-san isn't the most social of people. Sometimes I wonder if she even knows the rest of us exist."

I had been getting ready to sit down, but it appeared I needed to double take first. Yeah, sure, I was like that, but how could he just drop it into the conversation like it was nothing? No, even more important, how had he gotten such an accurate reading of me? Most people would assume their antisocial classmates were just shy, not that they really just didn't register the people around them!

Had I said something like that before out loud? I didn't think I had.

And the most infuriating part of it was that he could say something like that and not just drop out of my radar. Normally, people like that—his little sister included—just ended up on my mental shit list where I didn't bother to show them any shred of respect. Ugh, it was probably because he looked so cute in that scarf of his. Damn.

That was probably the only reason I actually still remembered Nase Hiroomi's name at all. When I finally sat down, I made sure I was closer to Kanbara than my own classmate.

"Oh, Sugiyama-senpai is the type that lives in her own little world and doesn't even bother with people outside of it," the second-year male commented, his hand on his chin. Really, I just wasn't safe at this table, period. "So she's very 'my-pace,' then. Wow, that's just perfect for a girl with glasses!"

Excuse you, _who_ was my-pace?

"Don't be stupid," Hiroomi automatically retorted. "That sort of behavior is obviously more suited for a little sister, Akkey!"

_Oh._ Suddenly, I understood way more than I wanted to. Just as much as Kanbara held onto his insane preference for glasses, the same applied to Hiroomi and his tastes. I didn't know how you got a little sister complex when you had a sister like Nase, but I didn't ever intend to understand what it was like to have a little sister _period_.

But, seriously, _Akkey_? I felt like crying and I wasn't sure just which reason why.

"Now that we're all here," Nase said as if the entire interlude had never happened, "let's get started."

At least one of us could keep a poker face around here. No, at least one of us could keep a serious expression and be genuinely serious without spouting off complete and utter nonsense. I had to hand it to them, though. Kanbara and Hiroomi were true to their fetishes no matter what.

* * *

e

* * *

Our meeting hadn't come down to anything overly serious. Sure, we worked, but it was mostly at getting more reading done on the stack of anthologies Nase had brought home with her. After listening to Hiroomi talk for a little bit, it was obvious that he could handle himself in evaluating works, so I let him to it. Kanbara had improved since I had last reviewed his selections, so Kuriyama was the only one left that needed help.

For this purpose I traded seats with Kanbara. He pouted a bit and lamented about no longer having his glasses paradise or _whatever_, but went through with it. From that point on, he and Hiroomi whispered more than they did any work, but I felt like I had made progress with Kuriyama, so it didn't matter much. Nase hadn't been kidding when she had mentioned her brother being a slacker.

But, really, that scarf just happened to fit him so well, even when he was clearly trying to prove why his affection for his sister was better than Kanbara's obsession with glasses. It was really unfair.

Eventually they got loud enough to the point that even Nase couldn't ignore them, and Kuriyama was a blushing mess so her focus was out the window. I could have kept going, if only because I was used to tuning other people out. Regardless, we dismissed without so much as a debriefing and ate dinner, which I decided wasn't worth taking up space in my memory.

* * *

f

* * *

As expected, the Nase family bath was huge. I had stopped wasting my energy on marveling at the sight, but Kuriyama was another matter. She just stared, mouth open, and I was surprised she didn't drop the towel around her body in shock. Nase just went through her motions, and pushed one of the stools against the door for good measure. I couldn't say anything about Hiroomi, but I wouldn't have put it past Kanbara to be the type to try to peak.

With that done, I sat down a few stools away from Nase, soaking myself in the water. I had only been to a hot springs a long time ago, and while the bath wasn't _that_ big, it definitely had more than enough accommodations for the three of us.

"So how was it?" Nase asked. Kuriyama had just gotten to her senses but wasn't by the showerheads yet, so I guess her intended conversation partner was me, even if she was still staring at the wall.

"It was alright," I answered. If she wasn't going to look at me, I wasn't about to look at her, either. Besides, eye contact wasn't really needed in this relationship. "I think Kuriyama-san will be able to hold her own soon, so things should go quicker tomorrow. We should probably have a discussion, soon." I took a glance in my peripheral vision, and Nase nodded. "Now that brother of yours is a piece of work."

Kuriyama sat down, right in the middle of us. "Oh, Hiroomi-senpai?" she asked, getting started on rinsing herself. I started on shampooing my hair. "He and Senpai are both pretty strange, but they're nice people. I mean, they've helped me a lot, even if they can be more than a bit unpleasant at times…"

_Helped, huh?_ I wasn't really in the mood for hearing that particular backstory, so I let it go. I didn't want the Literary Club snooping around in my business, so the best way to avoid that would be to extend them the same courtesy. It didn't matter that part of me was curious, though. I mean, really, those two weirdoes being helpful?

Excuse me if I don't believe it.

"Let's try and get a little bit more groundwork out of the way in the morning, then we can start to make some decisions over lunch," Nase said. She turned on her faucet, effectively rinsing herself off. "If we set up the table properly, we should limit the number of distractions. If worse comes to worse, we can temporarily split up." Good, she had noticed our fundamental problem, too. That made things easier.

"I can't believe that Hiroomi-senpai and Senpai just talked like that the whole time," Kuriyama complained, a small pout on her lips. I wondered if her annoyed expression would have set of Kanbara's fetish triggers if the girl were wearing her glasses. "They're so unpleasant!"

I made a small hum in agreement, starting to wash myself off. Nase headed to soak in the bath, and even though Kuriyama had started after me, she followed our club president before I even reached for the spray nozzle. I was moving slower than I usually did. Had the day really taken that much out of me? Forcing myself out of my lazy autopilot, I rinsed myself off, almost missing a trail of soap on my leg.

I stood up. Kuriyama and Nase were chattering in the bath, but I wasn't registering any of it. It wasn't even that late, but I needed to sleep. I'd have to skip a soak for the night. Trying my best not to trip due to my less than spectacular depth perception without my glasses, I managed to secure a towel and start to dry off.

"Eh, you're not coming in, Senpai?" Kuriyama asked. I shook my head, digging around for my pajamas. "Oh, that's too bad…"

The note of sadness in Kuriyama's voice wasn't lost on me, and it hit the mark of making me feel bad. She had probably been looking forward to a group bath as part of her sleepover experience. Regardless, I was halfway dressed already, so it would have to wait for another time.

Wait, another time? Oh, I hoped to all hell there weren't going to be too many more Literary Club meetings like this. I'd sleep for a week, and then my homework situation wouldn't be able to be recovered even with a miracle.

"Sorry, Kuriyama-san," I said. "I really gotta get some sleep. I gotta be ready to kick those stupid boys into shape tomorrow, anyway." Finally secure in my pajamas, I left the bathroom before Kuriyama or Nase could say anything.

At this point I could care less about the next day's meeting, but it was as good as an excuse as any.

* * *

g

* * *

I counted the doors down the hallway to get into Nase's room, which I had been shown earlier. Just like everything else in this goddamn mansion, it was huge. My bags had already been moved there by the staff, and from the light coming into the room from the hall, they had already set out futons for us as well. There were only two by the looks of it, so Nase would probably be sleeping in her bed, but as long as I could crash, I didn't see any reason to complain.

The light from the hall was enough, so I didn't bother to find the light switch. I did my best to memorize the layout, then closed the door behind me, stumbling towards the futon closest to the wall. My feet eventually pressed against blankets instead of carpet, so I settled in, almost falling into the blankets.

I just barely remembered to take my glasses off before I passed out.

* * *

h

* * *

It was warmer than I had expected when I woke up, but it wasn't bad, either. In fact it was comfortable, a steady warmth coming into my body from my shoulder, which was odd, but I wasn't going to complain. I couldn't even really count the state I was in as being awake since I could easily doze off the next instant.

If it weren't for the part where my point of warmth was shaking me.

"Sugiyama-san." _–san?_ No one had called me that in years, save for my teachers, and I could say with some sort of certainty that none of them were present. Sure, Ishikawa-sensei had pestered me, but never outside of school, and definitely not on the weekends. "Sugiyama-san, you need to get up."

"What for?" I grumbled, reluctantly sitting up. I had to blink my eyes a few times, too, attempting to adjust to the light. Ugh, I had said that I needed to sleep, so why would anyone do that? Light was the best stimulus to wake up the human body. I knew Nase wasn't exactly the epitome of kindness, but _still_, this was a little too much for me.

The voice addressing me chuckled, and I realized that it was male several seconds far too late. Nothing as cliché as my heart stopping happened, but I could definitely feel myself start to panic. I took the last few blinks necessary to clear my vision, only to see Nase Hiroomi leaning over me, close enough that I didn't need my glasses to see him clearly.

"Sorry to wake you up," he said, dressed in pajamas and that stupidly adorable scarf still around his neck. "It's just that Mitsuki's room is across the hall, and I figured you'd rather be there instead of here."

_Mitsuki's room._ Meaning that this wasn't it. I wanted to punch myself. I had counted the doors right, but gotten the side of the hall wrong. And if Hiroomi was the one waking me up, that meant that this was more than likely his room.

"Son of a bitch," I muttered. I looked around trying to readjust to my surroundings. Kanbara was sitting on the floor on the opposite side of the room, probably watching. Just what I needed. Moving on, I finally locked eyes with the door, as blurry as it was, and bolted for it, not even letting out an apology.

It only took a few seconds for me to cross the door, and I slammed the door behind me, far too out of breath for just a short sprint. Nase's room was dark, but there weren't any shouts or complaints, so I guessed that the girls were either heavy sleepers or not back from the bath yet. I still didn't bother with the light switch, stumbling across the room and almost tripping over the table in the middle of the floor before I found the line of futons.

This time, I fell face first into the pillow, keeping my face buried there until I had to gasp for a breath, resetting my lungs. A few deep breaths later and I could feel my heart slow down, and I did my best to tuck myself into the blankets. They were missing any built up body heat that my previous futon had, but the blankets weren't any different, just as comfortable as the last. I tried to count numbers to shut my brain back down, but I wasn't getting anywhere. Something about being in the room alone was really throwing me off, as was the absence of warmth from Hiroomi's hand on my shoulder.

The room was pitch dark, and my eyes weren't adjusting anytime soon, so attempting to look up at the ceiling made it seem like Nase's room just went on forever, even if I knew that wasn't true.

* * *

**Catharsis**

_THIRD_

_It suddenly felt like too much space for me._

* * *

What's this? An actually on time update? Blasphemy.

But thanks to shirokitty, Cloe Gryffindor, and NightlyRowenTree for your favorites and reviews. I'm glad to see that people are enjoying this story, even though it's just a giant experiment. Any feedback is greatly appreciated!

I'm actually in the middle of finishing up Camp NaNoWriMo right now (and I pulled an all-nighter), so my brain's not quite up to a full detailed author's note. Still, I enjoyed building this scenario, and trying to play on it the least cliche way possible... Lemme know how I did!

I currently don't have an estimate for the next update.

Next: _FOURTH_

[POST] 042915


	4. FOURTH

**Catharsis**

By: Aviantei

* * *

a

* * *

One of the more frustrating things I had found about being a writer was that, sometimes, no matter how much you wanted to, you just couldn't find the time to write.

For me, this had been a real problem during my middle school days, especially when I had prioritized my studies over everything else. It was a good attitude for a student to have, but it drove me insane. While I was off furthering my academic career, all the words and stories I wanted to write were sitting around, getting dusty. And even if I happened to be at the top of my class, it just wasn't what I wanted.

I gave up schoolwork in favor of putting any ounce of free time I had into writing, doing the bare minimum for my education's sake. It was easily the most wonderful amount of time I've had so far in my life. I don't think much of what I wrote then was very good, but it was something, and I enjoyed every character and journey I marked down on the page.

So when the end of the trimester rolled around and finals finished, my class rank wasn't anything to write home about. Regardless, my mother found out and threw a fit. I wasn't failing, but I wasn't doing much else than pass at the bare minimum, either. My teachers were concerned, and so was Dad, but at least the latter understood when I explained to him.

"I don't _care_ about any of that," I had said. "I want to write. I love writing. I'd rather do that than sit around studying boring books. At least the stuff we have to read for Japanese is okay, but other than that, I can't stand it. If I'm going to end up making a living off of writing, then what's the point of everything else?"

I may have had the capacity for book smarts, but at that age, I was completely missing out on any common sense.

Dad didn't laugh, though. "That's good and all, but you need to at least keep good grades," he semi-lectured me. His tone was never serious enough for it to be called a lecture. "Doing well in school makes it easier to do what you want in the future. You don't have to be at the top of the class, but at least try to make As. Other than that, if you want to write, feel free to write, okay?"

He didn't mention out loud that his proposed course of action would help keep my mother from getting an aneurism, but we both knew it, so I guess it really didn't need to be said.

And so, I put some effort back into my classes. It wasn't enough for me to be number one, but I maintained my spot in class 2-A, and eventually was admitted into 3-A the next year, which was enough to partially satisfy my mother. She wasn't entirely happy with it, but it would do. Since I was accepted into high school with no extra issues, I guess that was enough to meet her bare minimum standard.

I had stopped trying to please her by that point, though. The more I wrote, the better I got at it. The better I got at it, the more I wanted to write. Time didn't matter much anymore, and I spent nights, weekends, and holidays, all crammed in my room, churning out more words than I could ever hope to revise. Regardless, I went on, fueled by this seemingly endless energy.

And, somewhere in my first year of high school, that energy started to sputter.

* * *

b

* * *

I woke up, the light starting to filter into the room underneath Nase's curtains. Just my luck, I had collapsed into the futon right by the window, making the streams of sunshine impossible to ignore. Rubbing my eyes out, I sat up, resigning myself to consciousness. I had slept perfectly the night before and I was used to waking up early, even on Sundays, so I felt plenty rested.

I took a look around Nase's room, trying to avoid the thought of just how big it was. I wouldn't say you could have fit my apartment in it, especially since I was fortunate enough to live in a relatively nice place, but it wasn't anything to sneeze at, either. It would have been simple to fit an entire proper Literary Club membership in here if necessary. Then again, if there were that many people, I didn't see Nase being willing to let that many people have free reign in her room.

As it was, there were only three of us to deal with a rather large futon spread, taking up a strip of the floor. There was plenty of space between our blankets, too, and Kuriyama was less than half a meter away from me, snoring softly. Once again, I found myself gloating mentally at Kanbara, who couldn't see a sight like this.

If I kept those sorts of thoughts up, though, there might be a problem…

Nase had surprised me, though. I had completely expected her to sleep in her bed the last night, but she didn't. The Literary Club President was fast asleep in the futon next to Kuriyama's, perfectly straight under the blankets and on her back. I wanted to bet that Kuriyama had talked her into it, but since I hadn't been awake when they got back to the room, I couldn't say for certain.

I stood up, stretching my arms up to the ceiling before bending over in an attempt to touch my toes. It took me a few tries, but eventually I was able to complete my task and started to feel more awake as a result. I probably could have slept in a bit longer, but as long as everyone else was out, I enjoyed the idea of having some time to myself. Looking around, I was able to find the duffel bag I had brought with me, and went to secure a change of clothes and my computer.

I pulled my hair up into a short ponytail with a hair tie I found in the process, and checked my phone halfway through buttoning up my capris. I didn't have any messages, as expected, but I was able to check the time, which was only a few minutes past eight-thirty in the morning.

I hadn't really meant to sleep in, but it was still later than I had expected. Since I usually had to spend the week getting up early for school, I had decided a long time ago to keep up the habit on Sundays in favor of having more time in the day to write. It didn't hurt that getting up helped me keep my sleep schedule in order, too.

Fully dressed and my computer, Koyo, in hand, I snuck out of the room, aided by the cushiness of Nase's carpet. I succeeded, not even making a sound with the door, and tried to remember which way led to the living room. I attempted to use the halls for clues, but couldn't find anything due to my long-distance vision being extremely blurry.

My hand flew to my face. _Glasses._ I wasn't wearing mine. I tried my best to remember looking over Nase's room for my things. I hadn't seen them, then, otherwise I would have put them on, and they hadn't been with my bag. I didn't really move around much when I slept, so I usually kept them on my futon with me so I could put them on right away, and the dark green would have stuck out perfectly against the white blankets I had slept in last night.

It hit me, and I wanted to punch myself all over again. I _had_ taken them off before I had gone to bed for the _first_ time, which had been in Hiroomi's room. In my panic to escape, I must have forgotten them, and neither of the boys had gone to return them. I should have been grateful considering that I hadn't been in any state to talk to either Kanbara or Hiroomi after that, but at the same time, I _liked_ being able to see. Furthermore, my glasses had been in the same room as Kanbara, glasses-otaku extraordinaire, for a whole night!

Even if they would have made my life easier in this moment, I wasn't so sure I wanted them back now…

Pushing my bangs out of my face with my free hand, I tried not to panic again. Instead, I scolded myself. Seriously, just how _stupid_ was I? I was trying to live a pretty standard life, and instead ended up pulling this bullshit. I wasn't quite sure what genre the story of my life was just yet, but I sure as hell didn't want it to be some goddamn mindless romantic comedy!

Really, though, the solution was pretty simple. All I had to do was ask Hiroomi for my glasses when he woke up, and hope that Nase wasn't around to see it, and pray that Kanbara didn't have them. It shouldn't have been a big deal, but I didn't need Nase having any blackmail to use against me. She got along just fine without it.

The other option was to sneak into the room right now and get them back. I dismissed the idea. There were too many different variables waiting behind Hiroomi's door for that. One of them could be awake. In equally stupid trope terms, I could walk in on one of them changing, or end up tripping over onto one of them while I was there. It was just safer to wait it out. I at least had good enough vision to work my computer without glasses.

That being decided, I chose a random direction to walk in, hoping it would lead me to someplace comfortable to sit down at.

* * *

c

* * *

This time, the universe gave me some vague portion of luck, and I was able to make my way back to the living room area we had been using the previous day. The table was still in place, but I settled up against the wall instead, after I had to stare down my surroundings for an outlet. Despite my best efforts, it appeared I had drained Koyo's battery down to the critical levels the last time I had used him.

In some ways, it was pretty dangerous bringing my laptop into Nase's home territory. I still didn't know everything Ishikawa-sensei had blabbed to the Literature Club about my existence, but I bet that my writing was part of it. And while I enjoyed writing, I didn't fancy myself ready to have people that saw me on a regular basis read over my work. Kanbara and Kuriyama were a bit too easily impressed anyway. If they enjoyed some of the submissions to their club's anthology, I couldn't imagine the godlike level they may have put me on just because I could use grammar effectively.

Other than that, I wasn't that good, anyway. Really, it would have been safest to just leave the Literary Club out of my writing life.

Still, I hadn't been able to convince myself _not_ to bring Koyo along. Writing was probably the best time-killer I could think of, and what if I happened to get some brilliant idea and lost it by the time I got home. That didn't happen often, but I didn't want to miss the chance if it _did_ occur. I supposed there were always notebooks and the old-fashioned pen-and-paper method, but those could too easily fall into enemy hands. At the very least Koyo was password protected.

So I spent about an hour tapping away slowly on my latest story, which wasn't anything too interesting, and was mostly interrupted by writing out the newest entry in my blog. I really should have prioritized my fiction, but I really just didn't have the energy for it. In the end, I had one new blog entry up on Sundate, and barely even two paragraphs into the scene where my protagonist was engaging in self-depreciating dribble.

I closed out of the document without even saving it, then scrolled through the comments on my last entry, which were slightly more interesting to read, if only by a little. To be honest, I didn't know why I had kept up with the thing, considering how little it was going to help me get anything done in my life.

"A-ah! Sugiyama-san, what are you doing there?"

I suppose I did look a little strange wedged between a lamp and a display case containing several strange yet pretty looking stones, especially since my face was within ten centimeters of my laptop. Still, I didn't think that was enough to trigger the servant who had found me into near cardiac arrest. Upon closer (squinted) inspection, I realized that it was the maid who had let me in yesterday.

Huh, you'd think that after working in a house where supposed fortunetellers and weirdoes like Hiroomi lived and even more suspicious individuals like Kanbara visited, she'd be used to seeing strange things…

"Writing," I answered. Then I backtracked. "No, forget that. I'm just mindlessly scrolling the internet and pretending like I'm a capable writer while waiting for Hiroomi or Kanbara to wake up, or for breakfast, whichever comes first." Come to think of it, trying to go the morning without eating anything was a pretty stupid move on my part. It wasn't entirely fair to blame my lack of creativity on not having any calories in my system, but I could dream.

The maid frowned a little, but she did eventually nod. "Well, if that's the case, Hiroomi-sama just woke up a little bit ago and requested breakfast. Most of the preparations are already done, so if you want to join him, Sugiyama-san, I can make arrangements," she said.

"I'm in." I closed my laptop a bit too forcefully, sending Koyo into sleep mode. This would be the perfect opportunity for me to get my glasses back, no harm, no foul. Whatever deity dealt with prayers to not live in a romantic comedy had granted my wish, saving me the trouble of having to ask Hiroomi to talk in private and get spied on by Kanbara. Before I knew it, there would be rumors that we were dating all over school.

I frowned a little. _How dull._

"Alright, then if you'll follow me, Sugiyama-san." The maid turned back through the doorway she had come in from, and I stood up to follow, making sure to keep a good visual on her back. There was still a chance I would get lost in this place, as last night had proven. There was no need to have the Literary Club found a search party just to rescue me from the Nase house.

In fact, there wasn't a need for anything that was happening. This whole thing was one inconvenience. Once we started up club work today, I would have to make sure they worked at maximum output. The sooner this anthology was finished, the better.

* * *

d

* * *

True to the maid's word, Hiroomi was in fact both awake and at breakfast. I was ushered to sit down right across from him, with several promises that my food would be out soon. This would be the first meal I would have homemade by someone else since I had moved. In some ways this would have been a treat if it wasn't just an obnoxious show of how much money the Nases had.

Oh, and if I didn't have to deal with Hiroomi still wearing that perfect scarf, too, that, _that_ would be great.

I was seriously starting to get concerned here. Did he really wear it all the time? Like, even to bed and during the summer and everything? I knew he wore it with his summer uniform, but this was just getting strange. Well, at least it wasn't the exact same scarf as yesterday since they had different color schemes and patterns, but _still._

"Good morning, Sugiyama," he said, pausing the movement of rice to his mouth. I grunted in response. "I hope you managed to sleep well once you got settled. I didn't particularly want to wake you, but I didn't think you'd appreciate waking up in the morning with us in the room." He shrugged, as if he only half-believed that. I remembered his comment about me not registering others the day before and tried to make it look like I was scowling at a ring of moisture on the table. "Not a morning person, either? It's hard to tell what you're thinking at school, you know."

"I can't see," I grumbled, not having it in me to snap at him. Now that I was close enough to look at Hiroomi without any blurs, it made it hard to stay angry, especially when everything the night before was my fault. "At least tell me that Kanbara didn't have a conniption over my glasses." Man, I really should have kept my last pair, even if the prescription was outdated.

Hiroomi chuckled, reaching onto the table. I squinted to focus, seeing the bronze glint of my frames partially obscured by his soup bowl. "Akkey passed out before he even noticed they were there," he reported, offering them out to me. Even if it wouldn't have mattered, I made sure that our fingers didn't touch when I took them back. "He'd be so disappointed he missed such a 'brilliant opportunity'!"

I cringed and snorted at the same time over Hiroomi's impression of his friend. That was Kanbara, all right. Breathing a slight fog onto my lenses, I began to wipe away the dust with a corner of my t-shirt. There was the tap of footsteps, and the maid returned bearing a similar spread to Hiroomi's own, perfectly balanced on a tray. Vision restored, I was able to look on in renewed clarity.

Rice, clear soup, sardines, tamagoyaki, and toast. Far better than my usual instant udon and occasional stop by the convenience store for bread and coffee. At least if I ended up stuck coming here for Literary Club meetings, the food would be worth it. Dinner the night before had been excellent, too…

No, I couldn't be taking that defeatist attitude. I needed to start putting my foot down fast. Who knew what kind of state I would be in if this became the norm? I wouldn't have any time to write, then I'd just abandon my homework completely. I couldn't just drop my grades and expect my mother to keep funding my living situation. Even my father wouldn't agree to that.

_But really, what else do you expect of yourself?_

"I don't think I've ever seen you look so serious," Hiroomi remarked, "but I promise that you can eat. It's not going anywhere."

I temporarily puffed up my cheeks in a pout, snatching up a batch of sardines and chewing with vigor. Hiroomi laughed again, though this time was more open, and I realized too late that I was putting on an unnecessary temper tantrum. If I had added a "How unpleasant!" I probably could have passed off for Kuriyama. As it was, there wasn't much else I could do but enjoy my meal, trying not to pay attention to the glances Hiroomi snuck at me as I attempted to do the same to him.

Had I really been around this guy for the past two years? Even so, I couldn't gauge him at all. At the very least, I didn't have to worry about him nursing any sort of stray romantic thoughts after our ridiculous encounter last night. He was more likely to try and figure out where I stood on his "little sister" scale anyway. Then again, I couldn't really blame him for indulging in his preferences.

I wasn't much better.

* * *

e

* * *

"E-even though the writing isn't the best, I think it's a very moving piece. I even cried a bit while I was reading it. I think we should definitely consider it for the next round at least!"

Kuriyama finished arguing her case with an unnecessary bow. It was getting close to evening, and I did my best to hold back on a yawn. Kanbara nodded with blind enthusiasm, while Nase picked at the homemade dango the kitchen staff had been kind enough to prepare for us. Hiroomi sat next to me, skimming over the piece in his anthology copy. While I was grateful for the barrier he provided between me and Kanbara, I was still stuck on our somehow normal conversation from this morning, and his presence wasn't helping my dwindling focus and patience for being in groups for an extended amount of time.

Still, it wasn't like I could bail until Nase said the word, and the more help I provided, the faster this would go. "Based on style alone, I had my doubts on this piece," I said, continuing just to stop Kuriyama from drooping in defeat, "but I can agree on the emersion value." Our resident first-year beamed ay the words. "This isn't just my anthology; it's you guys', too." In fact, it was far more theirs than mine. "Kanbara, your thoughts?"

"I agree with Mirai," he declared. Part of his expression was glazing over—he was probably reaching his serious limit for the day. I snapped my fingers, and he jumped slightly. Nase narrowed her eyes a bit, the glare sparking the energy back into her friend. "It may not make the final cut, but I think we can allow it at this stage. I mean, we're only about halfway through, so there's a lot more to think about. What about you, Mitsuki?"

"Same," Nase said, and bit into her next dango, taking time with her chewing. I guess she hadn't heard the rule that good dialogue not only responded, it added to the conversation.

I had been trying to avoid it all day, but I didn't have a choice in the matter. "And you, Hiroomi?" I asked, forced to make eye contact for just a second.

"Not much point considering I'd be outvoted here, but I guess I'll make it a landslide anyway," he said with a small shrug. Flipping the page closed the anthology. It had taken all of two days and a lot of nagging, but we had actually hit my personal quota for the weekend _and_ Nase's "work 'em 'til they drop!" variation. Kanbara and I sighed in sync, slumping onto the table. "I think that wraps up everything for this weekend, then, right, my darling sister?"

"I suppose this will do for the weekend," Nase said, not even glancing her brother's way. He deflated for a moment, but was back up and running in record time. I guessed they were both used to each other's antics by now. "Akihiko, Aniki, you clean up. Kuriyama, Sugiyama, I'll see you at the club meeting tomorrow afternoon."

I stood up with a grimace as Kanbara and Hiroomi started whining about cleanup duty ("At least call me 'Onii-chan' when you ask for favors!"). Kuriyama stood up as well with a stretch, happily sighing as she did. "I should probably head to the store before they close down, then," she mused. My own pile of anthologies in hand, I headed for the door, hoping to grab my bag from Nase's room and bail as quickly as I could. "Oh, Senpai, we live in the same direction! Would you like to walk home together?"

It didn't matter that each one of us was "Senpai." There was no doubt in my mind that she was talking to me.

* * *

f

* * *

So, pushover that I was, I agreed to Kuriyama's request. I was stuck in the Nase mansion for at least another ten minutes, but I guessed it was better than Kanbara offering to walk or home or, worse, one of the guys trying to walk _me_ home. This sort of scenario technically opened the possible _yuri_ route, but my life wasn't a silly otome game. If it were, I would be the sort of protagonist hated for not deserving any of my potential partners but still winning them anyways.

_Dammit, last night messed with my head._ I would have to pick up some heavy action and gore volume from my shelves tonight to even get my brain in relatively close enough shape to function tomorrow.

The thought of school brought another grimace to my face as Kuriyama was chattering, "I think we did really well, don't you, Senpai? Ah, are you alright? You're not feeling sick or anything, are you?"

Remembering that I had an audience of sorts, I tried to smooth out my expression. I couldn't muster up a fake smile, but I didn't need to scare the poor girl, either. It was no wonder Hiroomi had figured me out so easily if I always went around looking like this.

"I'm fine," I assured, "just worn out." No matter how early I had gone to bed, I wasn't built for dealing with that many people at once. This anthology needed to be taken care of as soon as possible so I could get back into my normal groove. "Man, I could have gotten some real writing done tonight, too. Now I have to spend it all on my homework…"

The sky was mostly orange at this point, almost enough to give me some positive vibes. Kuriyama's similarly orange hair bounced a bit as she turned to face me. "That's right!" she said. "Ishikawa-sensei mentioned that you're a writer, Senpai! You always talk with such finesse when we're discussing anthology pieces. I'd love to read your work!"

Ah, the admiration and idolization switch had been turned back on. It was probably just how tired I was, but Kuriyama seemed as if she could sparkle in that moment—or maybe it was the sunset reflecting off her glasses. My stomach threatened to start doing cartwheels on me, and I was thankful I had left most of the dango to Nase's constant snacking habits.

"I-I haven't had much time to write lately," I lied. I had spent most of my free time trying to write, but now I was just being a loser about it. I had spent time browsing the net, reading other books, writing blog entries and pretending I knew what I was doing, but I hadn't written a word of fiction in months—and nothing good in _years._ "Th-there's just a lot of homework for third years lately. It's a bit too much, you know?"

Yeah, if only I actually _had_ spent all my spare time on homework, that could have been productive. Still, Kuriyama bought it, a delicate nod followed up by adjustment of her glasses. "You're in the college prep courses with Hiroomi-senpai, right? It must be hard for you to help us out with the anthology as much as you have." Then, with all the finesse and awkwardness of a Heian princess in the middle of modern Japan, Kuriyama dropped into a full ninety-degrees bow, right there in the middle of the street. "Thank you very much, Senpai!"

"Hey, that's enough," I stammered. I felt embarrassed for her, even if I had no right. "You don't need to thank me that much. Besides, if we dawdle here, you're going to miss the pre-close grocery sales, aren't you?"

Kuriyama shot up with newfound determination in her expression. I had actually had to step back a bit. I didn't know much about her living situation, but Kuriyama might have needed to pinch pennies—or she could have been frugal. I could stand to learn a thing or two from her.

"But anyway," I said, starting the trek back down the street. Kuriyama followed, her stride coming dangerously close to outpacing me, despite our height difference. "You said that Kanbara and Hiroomi helped you out a lot, right? What was that about?"

The safest route was to keep the conversation away from me in any means possible. I expected Kuriyama to start gushing right away, but was met by silence. When I looked over, she was staring at her open hands, eyes unfocused. I made sure she wasn't going to make a collision with anything—Kuriyama tended to be accident prone, even when her eyes were wide open—but just stayed quiet.

Maybe I was prying into something I shouldn't have. Maybe this is what I got for avoiding talking about myself.

"The Nases are fortune-tellers," she said, reminding me once again of their history. Man, I bet they had it good when onmyoji were considered to be the go-to for all your problem solving needs. "I know it sounds a bit silly, but they really are. And Akihiko-senpai…" She trailed off, expression flickering for a moment. "I had some trouble when I moved here and they helped me get settled. It's nothing special really."

I couldn't say for certain, but her voice definitely seemed to quaver there. Not out of fear. She was just an awful on-the-spot liar, just like me. But I didn't have a right to pry, and her angelic smile gave me even less motivation to do so.

There was really a lot I could learn off her.

* * *

g

* * *

I didn't even bother to turn on the lights when I got home. I had been an expert at navigating the place when there was junk scattered everywhere; this was easy mode in comparison. Kuriyama had offered to let me go shopping with her, but I had declined. I still had homework to finish up, plus I still had enough for dinner at home. Not a very good one, but _rice_ and _meal_ were synonyms for a reason.

I dropped my bag on the floor of my room, digging up Koyo and his charger from its death, plugging him into the wall. The screen lit up an blinding light, and my leftover browser session from this morning reminded me that people were actually bothering to read my blog, trash that it was.

Probably not the best mindset to have, but whatever.

At least in that realm, I was making some progress. No fiction, no homework, but my blog didn't completely suck. I had managed to avoid trolls at any rate, though that probably wouldn't last long. Flopping into my futon and rolling on my stomach, I typed without looking at the keyboard, and it was several hours before I had an entry.

Dinner was left forgotten. As was my homework and any notion of sleep. I didn't think I would have success on any front after everything that had happened. Sheesh. I was way too wired for any of this…

* * *

**Catharsis**

_FOURTH_

_After being in that cramped room, after being surrounded by all those people, after sleeping in a bed close to someone else…_

* * *

[NOTES] Hm, it's been a while, huh? Both in that I haven't updated this story in a bit, and that I kind of disappeared from regular updates in general.

Out of all my stories, this is the one I had the most alerts in my inbox for, so it gets the honor of being the first update in a while. I can't guarantee that there will be super regular updates, but I really want to start making time for regular writing again, and fanfiction has always helped me out with that. I'll be sure to keep up with more frequent updates on my stories, though that may just be settled by the inbox method again...

In any event, this chapter we conclude the Literary Club Weekend, plus get some peeks and what I'm doing with the world building. I'm using a lot of canon, but at the same time I'm trying a _slightly_ different approach to the supernatural elements. Hopefully that comes across well as I go into it more...and hopefully Kazue's relationships seem to be advancing steadily. The material for each chapter is chosen in an interesting way, so it might take some strange terms. Still, I'm excited to poke more at this world more.

Hm, I should rewatch the anime. And go ahead and check out the movies...

In any event, thanks to all those people who _did_ fill up my inbox with alert messages: NightlyRowenTree, .com, joker-the terrible, hnnngg (Guest), PhoenicRage92, roonaty, valxra, Petrichor in May, 91, Gloss and Glitters, Marfo Faura, ChocolateWolfey, Serenity Ngo, Kuroyami-chan, volley-14-nerd, Skymaiden777, Ms. Irony, MikoSasesko, Sherry Ann, Tokine8696, IKhandoZatman, Ergelina, AliceTheCat, Xxfrostblade41, WhatEverGirl28, patamon642, doglver0126, Lthombom, and Queen of Time and Space, you are all awesome for leaving me favorites, follows, and reviews! Sorry it took over a year to update. Let's not do that again, shall we? ^^"

On another note, if you _do_ want to see some consistent writing from me, for this year's **[Twelve Shots of Summer]** challenge I'm writing a _KagePro_ anthology: _Twelve Shots of Shuuya_! Twelve one shots, twelve weeks, and a community of fun and loving writers. What's not to love? If you're interested, either contact me, or take a look around in the forums. We'd love to have you. :)

That being said, I hope to see you all again soon for the next update. Please look forward to it!

[POST] 060716


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